I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
