genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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