my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
