Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
