just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
