Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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