kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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