I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
