What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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