She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
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So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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