What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
