I'm eating all of the evidence.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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