you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
