I threw up into my coffee this morning.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
