My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I need a beard to bite.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
