They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Be still, my beating vagina.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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