I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
