I've blown a few things in my day
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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