Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
