i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
