why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
