he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
