My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
