1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
