I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
