Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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