Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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