There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
