he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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