guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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