Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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