My liver just broke up with me...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize