weddingsv make me drug and hornr
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
