At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
and i looked up. we had an audience...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The power of my boobs compel you
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
