If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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