whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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