He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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