im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
