Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
