I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
