Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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