I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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