my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
