I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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