tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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