My hand turned me down
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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