My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
