No stitches, just platelets and will power
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
