Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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