***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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