omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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