connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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