so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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