I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
