You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
