There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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