my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
