yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
