First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize