I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
