I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
