So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
