my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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