I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Randomize
