Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
