So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
