I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
