I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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