i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
not ubering you a puppy
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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