weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
