i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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