coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
