Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
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