For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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