ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
