I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
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