it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Is it because I queefed?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
