my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize