im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
