This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
