I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
