fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There's always time for handjobs
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize