Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
