i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
