cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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