my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
