you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Let's get the cat blown out
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize