theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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