Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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