Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
as a side note pls kill me
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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