Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
