in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
