Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
