Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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