No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
