if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize