is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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