Yo dont text me then not text me
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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