Ambien. No doubt about it.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
