If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
