i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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